war is peace
by nikkiRA
Summary: Complete, drabbles, FinnickAnnie/ He kisses her. He tries to stop time by kissing her harder, by bruising her lips and gripping her so tightly it must hurt. She whispers things in his ear. Goodbyes. Not promises. T to be safe.
1. letters from me to charlotte

important: **this story was written before the release of Mockingjay and can now be considered as AU. I would like it if you read it anyway!**

**series of drabbles, in chronological order, describing the relationship of my favourite couple.**

**title from george orwell's '1984'**

* * *

_The promised they'd be best of friends from now until forever,_  
_ But both were far too needy not to fall for the other._

_- _Los Campesinos! A Heat Rash in the Shape of the Show Me State; or, Letters from Me to Charlotte

The first time he meets Annie Cresta she's seven and he's nine and she's swimming, her stroke's so precise and professional she looks so much older than seven. Her hair is cropped short and as she resurfaces she brushes it back from her face. She turns around and sees him watching.

"What are you doing?" She asks him, treading water. He dips his feet in. For some reason he feels defensive.

"Nothing. What are _you _doing?" He shoots back. This is a stupid question because it's quite obvious what she's doing. She clearly knows this, because when she answers, she speaks down to him, as if he weren't very intelligent.

"I'm swimming. Duh."

He rolls his eyes and tries to backtrack. "I know _that._ But _why _are you swimming? It's late."

"The sun hasn't even set yet!"

That's true, but it's in the process of doing so. The different colours bounce off the water and her wet hair. His favourite time to swim is sunset because he feels as if he's swimming in the sun.

He decides to switch gears. "You're a really good swimmer," he tells her. She shrugs, her shoulders briefly rising above the water before disappearing again.

"Everyone here is a good swimmer," she says, but this isn't necessarily true. He's sure there are some exceptions to this rule. He just can't think of any right now.

"How old are you anyway?" She asks suddenly.

"I'm nine. How old are you?"

Instead of answering, she asks another question. "What's your name?"

He scowls. He doesn't like all these question.

"Finnick Odair. What's your name?" He asks, not sure whether she'll even answer. She does, answering his other question along with it.

"Annie Cresta. I'm seven."

Raised with good manners, Finnick sticks his hand out. Annie swims over and shakes his hand. Then, with a wide smirk, she pulls him in with her.

He comes up spitting water out of his mouth. She laughs.

"I guess I was wrong. Not everybody here is a good swimmer."

"I am so a good swimmer!" He objects.

"Yeah? Prove it. I'll race you."

He looks around him. "To where?"

Annie grins. "Go!" Then she bounds off away from him. He watches her for only a second before he swims after her.

Annie insists that she won. Finnick argues that it doesn't count, because he didn't know where the finish was, and if he had, he would have clearly beaten her.

Since neither of them can agree, they decide to meet again tomorrow.


	2. you can't be missed if you never go away

**is anyone else pissed off at all these new designs? twitter, youtube, ffnet... god. STOPPIT. **

* * *

_The night's gone_  
_ and you're gone too._  
_ But you can't be missed_  
_ If you never go away_

- Cobra Starship, You Can't Be Missed If You Never Go Away_  
_

"I don't like them," she says quietly. He leans back on his hands.

"Nobody likes them, Annie. Except maybe the Capitol. And those people who actually train for them."

She fiddles with her fingers in the grass. "I wish you didn't have to be entered."

He ruffles her hair. "Don't worry, Annie. There are a lot of people in District 4. What are the chances of my name being pulled?"

She nods, not quite believing him. He repeats it quietly, willing himself to believe it.


	3. lax

_This is the difference between our lives,  
no wonder tonight you feel alright  
and I'm sorry if my mind is occupied,  
I'm trying to forget to wonder why  
We're built up from nothing  
I'm trying to forget to wonder why_

- Big D and the Kids Table, LAX

"And the male tribute is... Hunter Knix!"

He feels a sigh of relief shudder through his body and he wants to grin in relief. Hunter Knix takes his place on the stage proudly, and Finnick thinks he's one of those tributes who actually trains for these Games.

It isn't right, how families are being torn apart right now, saying goodbye to daughters and sons, trying to make peace with the fact that they are about to die, while Hunter Knix's family are watching their son, brother, nephew, with pride, beaming as he stands on the stage, crying not out of fear, not out of distress, but out of pride.

Why is this something to be proud of?


	4. fall

_I'll let my heartbeat drop _  
_I falter as the music stops _  
_and you watch me as I stall _  
_and wonder when I fall._

- Something Corporate, Fall

"Annie, stop stressing. It's alright. Okay? You have one name. It will be alright."

She chews her lip. "Promise?"

He nods, knowing it's a promise he can't keep. "Promise."

He reaches down and takes her hand, promising to be there for her through her first reaping. That, at least, is a promise he can keep.

He keeps his eyes locked with hers as the girl's names are being called. She holds his eyes, hers filled with terror. He works hard to calm her with just his glance, to reach across that space.

When the name of the girl tribute is called, he doesn't even truly comprehend who it is. A pretty girl walks up and stands stoically on the stage. All he can concentrate on is the fact that it isn't Annie.

He smiles widely at her and she grins back, her entire body sagging in relief. He's so caught up at the return of the happy spark in her eyes he almost misses what happens next.

"And the male tribute is... Finnick Odair!"

All at once, that spark is gone from her eyes, replaced with terror.

They exactly mirror his own.


	5. umi says

_I don't wanna write this down_  
_I wanna tell you how I feel right now_  
_Tomorrow may never come_  
_For you and me, life is not promised_

- Mos Def, Umi Says

"You lied," is all she says when she comes to see him. "You said it would be alright."

"Well it turned out great for you, didn't it?" He snaps. He's heading for his death, and he doesn't have the time or the energy to console her.

"You think this is alright?" She hisses. He can't quite understand why she is mad at him. "I would rather it be me than you."

He shakes his head. "Don't you ever say that, Annie."

She crosses over to him and takes his hands in hers. With much more force than he thought she possessed, she pulls him to his feet and then wraps her arms around him. He never thought the embrace of a twelve year old girl be so comforting.

"Listen to me. You need to win this."

"I need to kill twenty three people."

"Yes! Look, come home. I don't care how you do it, just do it."

He pulls her to him again, knowing it will be most likely be the last time he will ever see her.

"Promise you'll come home."

He has no right to, but he nods anyway. "I promise."


	6. letters to you

_but I'm not sleeping and you're not here_  
_ the thought stops my heart._

Finch, Letters to You

The games are a blur. Each moment is crystal clear as it happens but then it blurs over so he can't quite remember. He searches his brain but it seems as if he is having an out of body experience- he is watching a boy who looks a lot like him, but it isn't him. He watches as he joins the Careers- they don't pay much attention to him but he's from District Four and he can hunt and he has that trident, after all. He can see them as they stare at each other, calculating who will be the hardest kill. Who they should eliminate.

No one looks at him. He's a fourteen year old boy and they'll be able to get rid of him, no problem. He does what he's told and they reward him with food and water. He hunts with them, fights with them.

The first kill is the hardest. He doesn't even know her name, but her face stays with him each night after he closes his eyes.

So many times he wants to stop. Only one thing keeps him going.

He figures he should try and keep one promise he had made. So as the Careers write him off as _not as a problem, _he tries to figure out the quickest, least painful way to kill them.

He's a killer, after all. Not a monster.


	7. the good left undone

**so, I know you guys want longer chapters and I promise, they do get slightly longer, but remember these are just drabbles, afterall!**

**also, please don't interpret this as Finnick freaking out because he finally has food- I know he was a Career and I know District 4 is well off. He's just really excited and wants to share it, s'all!  
**

* * *

_All because of you_  
_I believe in angels_  
_Not the kind with wings_  
_No, not the kind with halos,_  
_The kind that bring you home_  
_When home becomes a strange place_  
_I'll follow your voice_  
_All you have to do is shout it out._

Rise Against, The Good Left Undone

He doesn't remember anything about his return home. The only clear, concrete thing that stands out is a pair of arms wrapping tightly around his neck and not letting go.

---

"Here, try this one."

"I don't want anymore!"

"This is the last one, promise!"

"Finnick, _I am not hungry. _You_'_d think you had never eaten before, honestly._"_

He simply shakes his head and pops another candy in his mouth. "Whatever. I'll never get tired of these."

"They're too sweet."

He grins. "Nothing is too sweet."

She rolls her eyes. "Why do I sense a double meaning behind that?"

"Do I sense jealousy from you, Annie?" He laughs.

"Please," she scoffs. "I mean, I don't get it."

"When you get older, you'll appreciate the glory of having every female in the Capitol, no, every female in _Panem, _drooling over you. Or male, I guess it would be for you."

"No, I mean, I get that. What I don't understand is why everyone is drooling over _you._"

He looks at her for a moment, then laughs. "You little-" his fingers find her full stomach and he tickles her until she takes her words back.


	8. anthem for the broken hearted

_and here's to all the boys you'll kiss_  
_ and all the scars left on their lips_  
_ and here's to all the boys you'll date_  
_ the one's we'll make sure that we hate_

- JamisonParker, Anthem for the Broken Hearted

The woman, whose name he doesn't quite remember (he thinks it might have started with an 'L.' He was a little preoccupied with something other than her name), smells overpoweringly like flowers. In fact, it looks as if she actually has flowers sticking out of her skin. The smell chokes him, and he wants fresh air, but, well he overlooks that. Because damn, is she good looking.

She's eighteen, two years older than him, with long hair down her back and heavily layered eyelashes. Her eyes have been genetically altered to glow.

She waves a piece of paper in his face and then puts it in his pocket. "Call me," she says seductively. He watches her as she walks away, then digs around for the paper, hoping she wrote her name on it as well.

Annie Cresta is suddenly stomping towards him, eyes glowing, not from genetic surgeries, but from the anger that is propelling her feet forward.

He's still preoccupied with the backside of the woman that he doesn't even notice Annie until she grabs him by the front of his shirt and pulls him down her to her level.

"You listen to me," she growls, her lips close to his. "I don't care how many girls with glowing eyes or green skin fawn over you, you always remember who you are, where you came from, and who you belong to, do you understand me?"

He's lived through the Hunger Games and is two years older than her, but the look in her eyes and the intensity in her voice frightens him into responding, "yes ma'am."

She nods. "Good." Then she pulls him that extra inch towards her and kisses him firmly.

Without even stopping to think about it, he kisses her back.


	9. happy birthday to me

**HuNgErGaMeSlOvEr101: I'm sorry the last update took a while, I had baseball and senior year is pretty hectic. But I promise I will try my best to update quicker, thank you for your review!**

**Thanks to all of you for your reviews, I'm so glad you guys like my little story, but remember it really IS a little story! These are just drabbles guys, please remember that the chapters won't be very long!

* * *

**_All eyes on the calendar_  
_ Another year I claim of total indifference_  
_ To here, the days pile up_  
_ With decisions to be made_  
_ I'm sure all of them were wrong_

- Bright Eyes, Happy Birthday to Me

"Here, try this." He shovels food into her mouth, making her try spoonful after spoonful of the dishes. She obliges, tasting everyone and then giving him her thoughts.

"Too sweet."

"Ugh, too spicy."

"Mmm, that's excellent."

"Ugh, what _is _that?"

Finally she tastes the final sample. "It's... nice."

"Nice?"

She nods. "Nice," she repeats. "If it were offered, I'd eat it and then look for something else. It's not enough to keep me at the table."

He nods and makes a mental note of this.

"What is all this even for?" She asks, looking around at all the food. Finnick blushes.

"Nothing."

She eyes him suspiciously. "Finnick."

"Nothing! I just like cooking!"

"You're a dirty rotten liar," she accuses him.

He sighs in defeat. "It's for your birthday."

She glares. "Finnick!"

"I know! I know you said not to do anything but come on, Annie!"

"One thing! I asked for one thing, which was not to do anything extravagant!"

"This isn't extravagant!"

"_Clearly _our definitions differ!"

"_Come on! _It's your sixteenth birthday!"

"If you wanted to throw a party so badly, throw one for your other girlfriends, I'm sure they'll appreciate it."

He shoots daggers at her with his gaze. "You know I _hate _when you say that."

"Yes, well, you don't listen to me, why should I listen to you?"

He throws his hands up in the air in defeat. "I can't win. Whatever, Annie, do whatever you want. I won't throw you a party; you can spend your birthday alone."

She glares. "Fine by me."

Two days later, on her birthday, there's a knock on his door. He opens it to see her standing there with a party hat on her head. They stand in silence for a minute until she finally says, "Do I really have to say it?"

He raises his eyebrows and she takes this as a yes.

"Alright, fine, I'm sorry, okay?"

"You don't sound very sincere."

She scowls. "Fine, whatever. I tried."

As she starts to walk away he grabs a hold of her hand.

"You're too stubborn for your own good," he tells her.

"So are you," is her reply.

One more moment of silence. Then she mouths, _I'm sorry. _

And he mouths, _me too._

Then he pulls her into a hug and kisses the top of her head. "Happy birthday, Annie."


	10. i am the killer

**ack, I'm sorry guys. I've been meaning to have this up since Friday but with baseball my schedule has basically been to come home and sleep.**

* * *

_when you live in a nightmare,_  
_ it's written all over your face._

Thursday, I Am the Killer

He's being chased by a giant trident. No, it's twenty three giant tridents, each one being wielded by one of the members of the Hunger Games. Twenty three people who could have lived. Twenty three people with giant tridents who are dead because he is alive.

He screams. He can't stop screaming.

Cold fingers are suddenly on his face, his shoulders, shaking him.

"Finnick! Finnick!"

He's still screaming as he wakes up. He can't seem to stop until he catches sight of Annie. He shuts his mouth but then the tears come. She takes him into her arms.

"Shh... shh, Finnick, it's alright. You're safe. Shh..."

He sobs, burying his face in her collarbone. He shakes like a leaf as she rocks him.

He cries himself out until he can't anymore. Then he just leans against her and sniffles. Her hands rub calming circles on his back.

"Was it the tridents again?" She asks. He nods and pulls her closer. Five years later and he's still haunted by them. Five years later and he'll still forever be stuck in that arena.

"I thought you were going home," he says quietly.

"I fell asleep on your couch," she answers. "I heard you scream."

"Will they ever stop?" He pleads her, begging her to make them go away. But Annie doesn't make promises she can't keep.

"Probably not." Sometimes, he wishes Annie would lie.

"Stay with me tonight?" He asks. His voice is so pitiful.

"Of course I will."

They disentangle themselves and Annie burrows under the blankets. They wrap their arms around each other and she kisses him quickly on the lips.

"Go to sleep. You're safe."

He manages to get as close to possible to her without actually being on top of her. "Where would I be without you?" He mutters. She laughs.

"We don't need to worry about that."


	11. remember to breathe

**HuNgErGaMeSlOvEr101, I forgot to answer your question. It doesn't say the exact age, but Finnick went at fourteen and Annie went five years later. **

* * *

_Remember to breathe_  
_And everything will be okay._

- Dashboard Confessional, Remember to Breathe

Unfortunately he can't stand with her but they always lock eyes and don't look away until the name of the girl tribute is called. He's technically safe from the Games now, but the worry that builds in him won't stop until Annie is safe.

"And the girl tribute is... Kellee Pierce!"

He breathes.

///

"So how come you get to lounge around while the other victor's are mentoring?"

"It's hardly _lounging around."_

_"_When's the last time you did something productive?"

He smirks at her. "Do you count?"

She puts a hand over his face and pushes it towards the ground. "No, asshole."

He grabs a hold of her hand. "I could mentor if I wanted. But there are more experienced mentors and I'm sure people would rather have them train them than a nineteen year old kid."

"I dunno, it might be exciting, having the Great Finnick Odair mentor them," she teases. He cocks an eyebrow.

"The Great Finnick Odair?"

"Personally I don't see the appeal."

Her kisses betray her lie and he holds her tight, relishing the fact that he has her safe for one more year.


	12. broken bride

_Want to get back to that morning in May_  
_ Keep you in bed, never escape_  
_ Holding you close, oh oh oh oh_  
_ Listen to you breath the evening glow_  
_ of fading light and cooling space_

- Ludo, Broken Bride

Ever since his return home from the Hunger Games, where he had to be as quiet as possible, Finnick likes to wake up as loudly as humanly possible. He stretches and yawns and groans as he cracks his joints, and it isn't until someone shifts next to him that he remembers someone is sharing his bed.

"Do you have to be so _loud?_" Annie complains, throwing an arm over her face. Finnick pulls it away and smiles at her.

"Good morning, sleepy head," he laughs. She scowls up at him.

"Seriously, why do you have to be so loud? I was sleeping."

He shrugs. "I just am. Besides, you have to get up anyway."

She rolls her eyes. "That's right, it's _reaping day! _Reaping day, reaping day, isn't it just your favourite time of year?"

"Yeah," he says bitterly.

"Oh stop, what do you have to worry about? You're safe and sound in this big house."

He narrows his eyes. "As long as you're still eligible, I have _everything _to worry about."

She sits up and laces her fingers through his, leaning her forehead against his shoulder.

"It's almost over," she tells him. He turns his head and kisses her hard. She plays with the hair on the back of his neck and laughs as he lowers her to the bed.

"We don't have time for this."

His lips never leave hers. "We have all the time in the world."


	13. just say yes

**Okay, I'm kind of at the end of my rope and I apologize if I come off as a bitch here, but I have said time and time again that these are just DRABBLES. They are short. Some chapters are longer than others- I have most of them written out and I will not change them. I try to compensate for short chapters by updating quickly, but this is how it is.**

**This will be the last time I ramble on about this, I promise. Thank you all for reviewing, I love you guys!  
**

* * *

_I'm running out of ways to make you see_  
_I want you to stay here beside me_  
_I won't be okay and I won't pretend I am_  
_So just tell me today and take my hand_

- Snow Patrol, Just Say Yes

For the last time, they lock eyes. For the last time, they don't break apart. And he hopes it's the last time he will ever feel that sensation of drowning, that worry that grips his heart as the woman reaches for the female tribute's name.

This time is different though, because this time, the squeezing on his heart doesn't go away.

"And the girl tribute is... Annie Cresta!"

He's screaming. He's screaming and screaming and any minute now, Annie's hands will be on his shoulders, shaking him awake. Getting him away from this nightmare.

Instead, she walks up to the stage and stares stonily into the distance, and the man next to him asks him to shut up.


	14. spidersong

**sorry this took so long, my puppy has been really sick and I've been taking care of him. also, sup at the line breaks disappearing from all my stories? thanks ffnet. **

* * *

_No more promises, _  
_ I have made them before and broken them_  
_ Give me the go ahead,_  
_ I'll undress myself for you if you're at all interested now_

- Say Anything, Spidersong 

He's technically supposed to be a mentor but for the past four years other men have taken his place. They're older and more experienced and he's spent most of his time lounging around with Annie.

But that still wasn't enough time. He could spend the rest of his life with her and it wouldn't be enough time, and it sure as hell wouldn't have prepared him for _this. _

He's been in this room two too many times. He had cried the first time, too, but he doesn't even notice the tears this time.

Just like last time, she's oddly calm.

He tries to speak but his voice cracks so instead he just rushes at her, pulling her into him tightly. Her demeanour is calm and collected but her hands grip the back of his shirt and she buries her head in his chest. He rubs his hands along her back, trying to memorize her shape, and tears leak into her hair. "Please please please please come back to me," he begs her.

"Promise me you'll come back." It's useless to ask this, and it's even more useless to promise it, so she doesn't. Annie Cresta doesn't make promises she can't keep. Instead she takes his head in her hands and wipes away the tears that won't stop falling.

"I love you," she says with finality. He shakes his head.

"Goddamn you, do not say goodbye to me. _Come back to me."_

He kisses her. He tries to stop time by kissing her harder, by bruising her lips and gripping her so tightly it must hurt. She whispers things in his ear.

Goodbyes. Not promises.

Mags comes to see him, placing a gnarled hand on his shoulder.

"I'll take care of her," she says.

"I thought I was done with these games," he whispers.

"You're never done with these games."


	15. la cinega

**my puppy is okay! turns out he ate a sock. a whole sock. **

* * *

_how'd I end up feeing so bad _  
_ for such a little girl _  
_ and I hold you close in the back of my mind _  
_ feels so good but damn it makes me hurt _  
_ and I'm too scared to know how I feel about you now_

- Ryan Adams, La Cinega

At first, he doesn't want to watch, but he figures out pretty damn quickly that not knowing is a hell of a lot worse than knowing.

They don't show her much. She's partnered with the boy from their District, a fifteen year old who might have been a worthy partner if he didn't fall down so much. She's rejected the Careers- something generally unheard of, but that's his Annie.

She's not the strongest. But she's not the weakest.

But can she win?

The tiny, truthful part of him says _no. _


	16. scream scream scream

_When I scream scream scream_  
_ About a good man's life_  
_ Would you ever stop and listen_  
_ Would you open up your eyes_  
_ Would you scream with me_  
_ Sing it sad and sweet_  
_ Say goodnight, goodbye love_  
_ In the morning you will see_

- Ludo, Scream Scream Scream

All is going well until her partner is beheaded.

The girl from District 6, who somehow got a hold of an axe, jumps out from nowhere and takes his head off with one smooth motion.

He thinks, _wow, she must be strong. _

He thinks, _at least it's not Annie. _

Annie manages to keep her head long enough to kill her. She thrusts her knife into her chest and then pushes her backwards, watching her fall. Then she turns back to her partner, lying headless at her feet.

The scream she lets out lasts for so long they finally cut away.


	17. sleeping sickness

_I've become a simple souvenir of someones kill_  
_ And like the sea_  
_ I'm constantly changing from calm to hell_  
_ Madness fills my heart and soul_  
_ As if the great divide could swallow me whole_  
_ Oh how I'm breaking down_

- Dallas Green, Sleeping Sickness

He isn't doing very well. He hasn't moved from the spot in front of his television for days.

She's doing worse.

They don't show her often, but the times they do she's in the same position as before and all he can think is, _when is the last time she's eaten?_

They don't show her again until the earthquake. When the earth splits open and the dam breaks and he screams at the television, _SWIM ANNIE SWIM._

She's the best swimmer he knows but she isn't exactly in peak physical condition, physically or mentally, but swimming comes naturally to Annie. Right?

He doesn't blink the entire time, scared he'll miss her.

One after one the rest of the tributes drown, the cannon firing, and he waits. He waits for the end, whatever it may be.

She's on the screen, now. Those perfect strokes that had caught his eye all those years ago. She swims as if she hadn't spent days fighting for her life, for her sanity. As if she was back home.

Cannon. Cannon. She swims. Cannon. She belongs in the water, you can tell. Cannon.

And then there's a voice, but his ears don't work that well, they can't distinguish words. Whatever, he knows what its saying.

The winner of this year's Hunger Games is Annie Cresta.

She's coming home.

But in what state?


	18. who you'd be today

_Sometimes I wonder who you'd be today_  
_ Would you see the world?_  
_ Would you chase your dreams?_  
_ Settle down with a family?_  
_ I wonder, what would you name your babies?_  
_ Some days the sky's so blue_  
_ I feel like I can talk to you_  
_ And I know it might sound crazy_

- Kenny Chesney, Who You'd Be Today

When Annie steps off the train he can barely recognize her. Her cheeks are sunken and she's so, so thin.

But it's something more than that. It's her eyes. They dart around, never landing on just one thing. She seems to shrink in on herself.

Mrs. Cresta runs at her, her arms wide, hands itching to hold her daughter again. Finnick knows how she feels. All he wants to do is hold her again.

Annie cowers behind some man he didn't notice before. Her mother stops short.

That's when the man starts to speak. Finnick realizes he's a doctor, because he uses a bunch of medical jargon Finnick doesn't understand. All he realizes is that Annie is different, now.

Mrs. Cresta sobs into her husband's chest and Annie cowers. Cautiously, with his hands in the air, he walks slowly towards her.

"Annie?" He asks her, slowly, quietly. She stares at him with haunted, scary eyes. Eyes he doesn't recognize. He takes another, tiny step and asks the question that breaks his heart. "Do you know who I am?"

For a while he thinks maybe she can't speak. Then she opens her mouth.

"F... F..."

His heart lifts. "Yeah?"

"Fi..." he wants to shake her, to yell at her, to make her know him. But suddenly she stops, her voice dropping to a ragged whisper. "They're coming for me."

He wants to cry. "Who, Annie?"

_"Them!"_

This is so frustrating. He turns to the doctor.

"Who does she mean?"

The doctor studies her disdainfully. Finnick wants to kill him. He's a Capitol doctor who doesn't want to be here. Not with some crazy girl who seems to be shaking inside her very skin. Finnick hates him. He is the Capitol. He is the person who did this to Annie. This is his fault.

"Probably the other tributes."

Finnick turns and glares daggers at him. "You're done now, doctor."

"She should have someone to take care of her-"

"Yes, I will."

The doctor seems to barely be able to resist rolling his eyes. "I don't mean you. I mean a professional."

"I can take care of Annie just fine."

"Look-"

"_You're done."_

The doctor opens his mouth to protest but then stops. Why should he care?

Annie doesn't mean anything to him.


	19. coda

**There is NO excuse for how late this is. I am so sorry. **

* * *

_The first time, the last time, all the times in-between_  
_The first time, the last time, all the times I would've liked there to have been_

- Los Campesinos! Coda: A Burn Scar in the Shape of the Sooner State

Annie and her parents move in next to him, in a big house in Victor's Village that should be beautiful, but it's filled mostly with her mother's sobs, the clink of her father's glass and her screams.

He had promised the doctor he would take care of her but for a few days he doesn't go anywhere near her. It isn't as if she'll miss him. She doesn't even know who the hell he is.

The problem with this equation is that he knows her. He misses her. And it soon becomes very apparent that he can't live without her, even if it's only a shadow of her.

Her father opens the door without a word and Finnick brushes past him. Through process of elimination he finds Annie's room. She's sitting on the window seat, staring out the window. He knocks on the door and she whirls around, eyes wild, hands reaching out as if trying to find a knife. He throws his hands up in surrender.

"It's alright I'm not gonna hurt you," he spits out quickly. She stares and cocks her head to the side, eyes narrowed.

"Who are you?"

"My name's Finnick."

For a minute, he hopes that his name will stir some memory in her and she'll come back. Instead she just stares at him. Then she smiles.

"I'm Annie." Then she suddenly says, "You remind me of someone. Do I know you?"

He wants so badly to reach out and hold her, but he doesn't want to scare her away.

"No, you don't know me."


	20. pour me out

_wake up in the morning, it's not so bad_  
_I can taste you on my lips and it makes me sad_  
_ there's a part of me that just wants you back_  
_ you're the one thing I want that I never did have_

- He is We, Pour Me Out

Slowly, he rebuilds their relationship. He restacks the bricks. It's slow rolling, but he's patient. He goes over to her house every day. Sometimes they talk. Annie likes to talk about swimming. Other times they stare out the window.

He hasn't touched her yet. He makes sure there's lots of space between them. He isn't sure if this is for his sake or hers.

One day, on one of those beautiful, excellent days when she seems almost normal, when her smiles come often and she says his name at the end of every sentence, she turns to him and says, "Finnick?"

"Yeah?"

"Will you take me swimming?"

He thinks she should be afraid of swimming, but there's a light in her eyes that he hasn't seen for a long time so he nods without a second thought.

"Sure, Annie. I'll take you swimming."

Her father stops them on the way to the door, his shirt buttoned the wrong way and a glass in his hand. "Where are you taking her?" He asks, as if he's paid her any attention since she got back.

Finnick uses the face he taught himself when he was in the Games, the face that scared off the other tributes, the face he wore when he was about to go in for the kill. "Swimming."

Mr. Cresta laughs alcohol. "You think she'll be able to _swim?"_

"She isn't _dead,_" he hisses. Mr. Cresta continues to laugh and then takes another shot.

"Finnick?"

She's staring at her father as if she has no idea who he is and Finnick realizes that that lack of recognition in her eyes is probably why he drinks.

"Yeah. Come on Annie."

He expects her to be tentative but she dives right into the water without a second thought. He follows her in, the water familiar. It's a wonderful feeling, the only thing he really knows anymore.

Annie's entire face is lit up as she swims. He smiles as he watches her. She swims over to him, stopping a few feet away, her hair slicked back, treading water.

"Thank you, Finnick."

He nods and wipes his face. "You're welcome." He doesn't add the last part but it hangs there in the air; _I'd do anything for you._

She looks almost as if she's about to touch him, but instead she just dives under. When she resurfaces she grins, and it's the first time he's seen her look genuinely happy.

"I'll race you."

He laughs. "Go."


	21. love the way you lie

**so, I'm in Montreal for the next week so the next update won't be until next Monday. and wow, I just used the word next a lot. **

* * *

_I laid hands on her, I'll never stoop so low again_  
_ I guess I don't know my own strength_

_-_ Eminem, Love the Way You Lie_  
_

Vic Jales knocks frantically on his door. Vic's father owns the bakery in town.

When Finnick opens the door Vic shoots out, "You need to come to the bakery... Annie, she's-"

He's out the door.

When he arrives at the bakery, he sees the problem immediately. Annie's standing in the middle of the store, a wild, crazed look on her face. There's a knife in her hand. Mr. Jales is standing behind the counter, his hands up, looking scared.

The only other customer in there is pressed against the wall.

When Finnick enters the bell jingles and she spins around. The look in her eyes is scary.

"Annie... what are you doing?"

She doesn't answer and Finnick advances slowly. "Annie. Put the knife down."

She glares daggers at him. He puts his hand out and inches forward. "Please, Annie. The knife. No one here... they won't hurt you. Put the knife down."

Her eyes blaze and he takes one step too far, because suddenly she's flying at him with the knife out. Vic gasps but Finnick has been up against this before, and Annie is much smaller than he is. He sidesteps and grabs a hold of her wrist, squeezing hard, pressuring, his fingers biting into her skin until she drops it.

She's crying now, and, knifeless, she drives her fist into his gut. He grunts and manages to grab her other wrist before she can punch him again.

"Stoppit, stoppit, _stoppit Annie!" _He cries, but she keeps going at him. He gets behind her and throws his arms around, trapping hers to her chest, and eventually she stops struggling.

"He's trying to kill me," she shouts, and Mr. Jales takes a step back. Finnick shakes his head.

"No, he's not. He's a nice man."

Annie gives another half-hearted jerk and then goes limp in his arms. Mr. Jales gives her a weary look.

"Finnick... look, you know I'll serve you any day, but I gotta ask you not to bring her anymore. I know it's hard, Finn. I'm so sorry about what happened. But... she's going to scare away my customers. And... and how do I know she won't attack one of us like she attacked you?"

Finnick nods. "I understand, Mr. Jales. I'm really sorry about this."

The next day when he sees her, she has bruises around her wrists and he has to go into the bathroom to sob quietly.


	22. white houses

_These silly little wounds will never mend_  
_ I feel so far from where I've been_

- Vanessa Carleton, White Houses

"So how does it feel, knowing that you can have anything you want?"

He laughs because this is obviously ridiculous. The one thing he wants more than anything in the world is the one thing he can't have. But he's determined not to think about her tonight. He needs a break from the world and what's a better way to keep your mind off things than a beautiful woman with skin that seems to shimmer and eyes that could knock you dead?

"I can't have anything I want. Not even close."

She smiles with teeth so white they don't look real, probably because they aren't.

"You can have anything in this room."

She's about as subtle as a brick.

They're the only two in the room.

He closes the gap between them anyway. Her lips taste like peppermint and those white, white teeth tug on his lip. Her clothes are off and before he even has time to acknowledge this, so are his.

She moans louder than is totally necessary and he closes his eyes and blocks out the sound. It feels so incredibly good but it leaves a bitter taste in his mouth and with each movement he feels guiltier.

When it's over, she gives him a sultry look and lifts a necklace from over her head. She hands it to him- a tiny little seashell, perfect really, then winks and leaves. She doesn't ask for his number or tell him to call, doesn't cling to him. Leaves, as if she had gotten what she wanted.

Is this what his life is now? Meaningless one night stands?

Annie loves the necklace so much he gives it to her, and after a while he stops watching to make sure she doesn't strangle herself with it.


	23. i remember

_I remember making love on a Sunday_  
_ bright golden hearts in a fresh cut grass in May_

_I remember the smell of your skin forever_  
_ Love us being stupid together_

_I remember Monday making your eyes red_  
_ Still don't know what it is that I said_

_I remember thinking this would never end_  
_ Even when you're gone your eyes running through my head_

- Yeasayer, I Remember

Sometimes he wallows in memories. Of sunlit days and the water and her and her bathing suit, of her wet hair sparkling, of her burned shoulders and her laugh. He remembers her hand in his, her smile, her frown, and the half-frown-half-smile she did when she was trying to be mad at him and failing. He remembers the time she pulled him angrily into an abandoned room and kissed the shit out of him (among other things) when she saw him talking to another girl.

He remembers silly things about her. Like the way she chewed her lip and cracked her joints. How she always challenged him to holding-your-breath-under-water competitions and always won. The way she bit her nails. The freckles that dotted her body. The curve of her hips.

He remembers everything about her.

The hardest part about this whole thing is the she doesn't remember a thing at all.


	24. the brilliant dance

_this is incredible, starving, insatiable, _  
_yes, this is love for the first time _  
_well you'd like to think that you were invincible_  
_yeah, well, weren't we all once?_  
_before we felt loss for the first time_

- Dashboard Confessional, The Brilliant Dance_  
_

Today is a good day. She's come out of her room and is sitting in the sunlight. Her hair is spread around her head as she lies on the grass and it's so, so easy to pretend.

"Tell me a story, Finnick."

He sighs and leans back on his hands. "About what?"

"Anything."

"Once upon a time-"

"Is this a fairytale?"

"Of sorts. So once upon a time there was a boy. And one day, this boy met a girl. She was very beautiful, this girl, and the boy loved her immediately."

"Did she love him?"

"Not yet."

"Will she?"

"If I tell you that I'll spoil the ending! So this boy loved this girl. And he followed her around like a lost puppy dog. He loved her so much, but he didn't always show her. And then one day, the girl gave the boy the greatest gift ever- she told him that she loved him."

"Did they live happily ever after?"

He doesn't know how to answer this. He loves Annie now and he always will but if he had the chance to go back to how things used to be he would grab it in a second.

"Well, a dragon came. And the dragon took the girl and he locked her away in a tower. And when the boy came to save her, he could only save a piece of her. The rest of her was still stranded in the tower and he couldn't get to it. So he had to leave it. And the girl was never the same again."

"That's sad."

"Yeah. Yeah it is."

"I'm glad it isn't real."


	25. bad day

**So if any of you read "We're All Mad Here" you'll probably recognize part of this, but to be fair, I was always planning on writing this scene for this story before WAMH came along. **  
_

* * *

It's been a bad day, another bad day _  
_ and all I want to do is look at you and know I'm okay. _  
_ From where I'm sitting _  
_ these shoes ain't fitting _  
_ and I'm walking backwards, _  
_ looking down, don't see the sky _  
_ I see the ground._

- Something Corporate, Bad Day_  
_

The good days only last so long. There are times when he can pretend that all is well but he can't fake the look in her eyes that shows she doesn't know him like he knows her. He's traced over her body with his eyes, hands, tongue, they've made love on all the different surfaces in his house but not in her mind. Not in her world.

Maybe it's only a figment of his imagination.

Today is a bad day. He can tell the moment he steps into the house. The hairs stand up on the back of his neck and he's running to her room although he doesn't know why.

He does as soon as he opens her door. Her eyes are wild and her hair is missing chunks and there's blood coating her arms and a knife in her hand.

_"What the hell are you doing?" _

He doesn't care that she may stab him, he runs at her. She fights him but he rips the knife out of her hand and wraps one of her shirts around her bleeding arm. She tries to wrench away from him.

"_Get off of me!"_

"What are you doing? What are you doing?"

"I had to get the chip out."

"What chip?"

"The _chip. The chip."_

He realizes she means the one they put in you before the Games. He drops her wrist like a hot potato, takes the knife, and leaves the room.

He throws it down on her father's desk. The blood stains the wood and the papers there and when Mr. Cresta looks at him Finnick is surprised at how utterly old he looks.

"What is that?"

"Are you not watching her?"

He's staring at the knife in horror and when he looks up there are tears running down his face.

"Is she alright?"

"Would you _care?_" Finnick is bursting with anger but he realizes with dread that it isn't anger at her father. He's mad at _her. _It's stupid and juvenile because it isn't her fault but he is so angry and scared.

"Her mother left today." Mr. Cresta's voice is low and for a minute Finnick sees life through his eyes. Daughter chosen for the Games. Miraculously, she wins, but she never leaves the arena. Mrs. Cresta wasn't strong enough to handle it and neither is her husband, but he stayed anyway.

"We need to take her to the hospital," Finnick says and Mr. Cresta nods, stands up and grabs his coat.

He holds his daughters hand on the way.

* * *

**You'll notice that, unlike a certain OTHER character, Finnick managed to help Annie WITHOUT stripping his shirt off. **


	26. i just sighed, just so you know

**SO I FELL OFF THE FACE OF THE EARTH. no seriously, it was pretty scary. Anyway, this is almost over! I'd wager three to four more chapters. **

* * *

_I promise after this I will pick up the phone book_  
_ And choose the name that my eyes fall upon on their first look._  
_ Aim all of my poorly composed declarations there in the future._  
_ I'm so sorry to have to put you through a lifetime of dedications_  
_ That you never desired_

_- _Los Campesinos! I Just Sighed. I Just Sighed, Just So You Know_  
_

_I love you. _He whispers it as she sleeps, hovers at her doorway. He takes a few cautious steps into her room but if she wakes up she'll knife him.

_I love you. _He whispers it when she's under the water. He wonders if she can hear him, but ignorance is better than silence.

_I love you. _He whispers it in bed at night. She's not around to hear and he says it louder and louder until he's shouting and the tears leak into his pillow.

One time, he almost lets it slip. For the first time in a long while she's sketching, and he watches her and he stares and he says, "I love-"

When she turns around her eyes are darker and he saves himself- "that. I love that. Where did you learn how to draw?"

He knows, of course. He can remember the days when she would try and get the water _just right. _When he would want to play but she would be drawing. He can remember when he hated watching her draw.

She doesn't answer him, but a few days later she gives him the picture, charcoal black, the great horn of the Cornucopia smacked in the middle.

He can't look at it.


	27. caught in a hustle

_They say the odds against me, are crooked and impossible_  
_Like I was born with a hole in my heart as an obstacle,_  
_or left to die by the doctors, in the childrens hospital_  
_But I never lose hope, success is psychological_

- Immortal Technique, Caught in a Hustle 

The thing about the Hunger Games is that you can't _not _watch them. So even though he hates them, even though the resentment he feels towards the Capitol is so strong is chokes him, even though watching these people fight and starve and kill and die reminds him of the nightmares that plague him each night and the knife Annie keeps under her pillow, he watches it.

So he watches them without attachment and he doesn't really feel anything, doesn't really care about the 'star crossed lovers of District Twelve' because they'll die anyway.

But the girl- she's good. He admires her technique. The boy- Pita or something to do with bread, he doesn't remember- he's useless, he really is.

But he believes them, he does. He sees the love that shines in the boy's eyes, and he will smooth Annie's hair back while she sleeps.

When the Head Gamemaker announces that both tributes can win, he finds himself rooting for them.


	28. dance music

**DON'T WORRY! THERE ARE NO SPOILERS FOR MOCKINGJAY IN THIS CHAPTER. **

* * *

_okay so I'm seventeen years old_  
_ you're the last best thing I got going_  
_ but then the special secret sickness_  
_ starts to eat through you_  
_ what am I supposed to do?_  
_ no way of knowing_  
_ so I follow you down your twisting alleyways_  
_ find a few cul-de-sacs of my own_  
_ there's only one place this road ever ends up_  
_ and I don't wanna die alone_  
_ let me down, let me down, let me down gently_

- The Mountain Goats, Dance Music

Sometimes, the lack of recognition in her eyes kills him.

"Annie," he whispers to her one day, when she's sitting with her feet in the water. She is sitting out of his reach, a million miles away.

"Annie, you need to start trusting me. I'm not going to hurt you. I promise."

She turns to look at him and it feels as though the gap between them has closed, just a tiny little bit. She leans back on her hands and she says, "I dream about you sometimes."

This catches him off guard. "What?"

"I dream about you. You're in my dreams. I see you. With a really big fork." She giggles. "And you're with a girl. She's beautiful, y'know. And you... you hold her and kiss her and..." She trails off and he shifts slightly closer to her.

"Do you know who that girl is?" He asks her, not allowing himself to believe it.

"You were happy with her. What happened to her?"

He sighs. "She's somewhere. I know she's somewhere."

And then she takes his hand and he's reminded just how well their palms fit together, and he looks at her in surprise but she won't meet his gaze. And he knows that she is in there somewhere, the Annie Cresta who invoked a million different feelings in him, the one who held his hand and refused to give him promises she couldn't keep, the strongest girl he ever knew. She is in there somewhere, and he will wait for her to resurface.

Until then, he will continue to love the girl across from him.


	29. trouble breathing

**I lied, guys. I finished Mockingjay (and loved it, despite a few, erm, certain things I'M SURE YOU ALL KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT) and due to a lot of contradiction this story will end fairly soon and is technically now considered as AU. Thank you all for sticking through with it, I love you guys!**

* * *

_You said tonight is a wonderful night to die_  
_ I asked you how you could tell, you told me to look at the sky_  
_ Look at all those stars,_  
_ Look at how goddamn ugly the stars are._

_- _Alkaline Trio, Trouble Breathing_  
_

He cries while he watches them. The star crossed lovers from District Twelve and watching them, he sees a younger Finnick Odair and a healthier Annie Cresta, sees locked hands and kisses, a time when he believed they could last forever. And he sees the way he looks at her, the warrior with the bow and arrow, and sees the way she tries to pretend not to watch him. Not to care.

But he still cries when the world turns on them, when she points an arrow to his chest and he tells her to kill him. Because this is what the Hunger Games do. They turn people against each other, turn friends into bloodthirsty killers and a boy in love willing to give his life so she can live.

And then.

And then that girl, that brilliant, genius, but ultimately stupid girl.

And then she gets those berries and she holds them out and he puts two and two together and no. Oh no. Because the Capitol- it won't allow them to take away a victor but the consequences from this, from that simple gesture, from her holding out her hand, those berries, thrown to their lips, and a voice, hurriedly preventing this.

He stares in horror at the television and he knows. He knows that once the Capitol is done with them, they will wish that the berries had kicked in sooner.


	30. seven letters

_Only for the best, only for the best_  
_Looking, looking out for you looking out for you_  
_Trying hard to make this easier_  
_Only for the best only for the best theres no_  
_Use in getting mad, use in getting mad over_  
_Good-byes, good-byes_

- Jimmy Robbins, Seven Letters

The rest unfolds surprisingly quickly. He doesn't watch the Victory Tour but he hears the stories, hears of the promise to give a piece of the winnings to the families of the dead and of a gesture, simple and pure, and the gunshot that came after it.

_They're only making it worse. _

He prepares. He gets ready for whatever is going to happen, because something will happen. Something will come from this, something terrible. He can smell it in the air, a overpowering stench, almost like roses. He swims more. He runs often.

He tries to say goodbye.

He tries to distance himself from those smiles, from that laugh, softer, not quite as boisterous, but still beautiful all the same. Those eyes, warier than ever before, but the way they look at him sometimes remind him of the old days. He tries to turn away from Annie Cresta, but with every threat in the world looming down on them he gives in, like he always will.

"Where have you been? I've missed you," she tells him, when he knocks on her door. Her eyes light up and he was so stupid. God only knows what Snow is planning but for now he'll let himself breathe her in, memorize her just like this, smiling and happy, so much like her old self, and it's so easy to pretend.

"I'm sorry," he smiles at her and her responding grin gives him the strength to reach out and hold her, to cup her face. She doesn't flinch away from him. She just keeps smiling up at him, and he thinks that maybe things can change. Maybe they can start over, become what they used to be.

(These are his goodbyes)


	31. you don't know

**What are you guys talking about, I've been posting chapter nonstop you just haven't been reading them... **

**I'm really sorry though, guys. I promise this story will be finished very soon. Also, I turned anon reviewing off for a little bit because I was getting fed up with some rude anon's but it's back on, in case you wanna anon review... :)

* * *

**

_Do you know, do you know what it's like to die alive?_  
_When the world that once had color fades to white and gray and black._  
_When tomorrow terrifies you, but you'll die if you look back._

- Next to Normal, You Don't Know

Mags comes to see him when they hear the news.

"I'm going to volunteer," she tells him in her garbled voice. Finnick grasps her hands.

"Mags-"

"Don't you start with me, Odair. I'm old. No one needs me anymore."

"I need you."

A gnarled hand comes up to cup his cheek. "I'm an old woman, Finnick. I won't stand by and let someone else die when they don't need to. Shut up and accept it."

"What'm I gonna do without you, Mags?"

She grins and he realizes that he loves this woman. He tries not to cry. "What are you talking about, boy? I'm going to win."

He hugs her.

"I'm going to be chosen again."

"Probably. This isn't a fair world, Finnick. This year's Quarter Quell was no accident."

"Maybe things will change."

Her eyes still shine, still sparkle, but there's a tiredness behind them, and he wishes more than anything that she could simply rest.

"Maybe. But I doubt any of us will be alive to see that."


	32. it's never sunny in philadelphia

**I BELIEVE there is only to be one more chapter in this story! Thank you guys so much for sticking through this, especially those times when I dropped off the face of the earth, you are all so incredibly awesome.**

* * *

_most days are bad days_  
_ we can't just wait for someone to pull me off of the concrete_  
_ we stopped standing proud a year ago now_  
_ what you see is just a shell of who I used to be_  
_ I can't believe I got this weak_

The Wonder Years- It's Never Sunny in Philadelphia 

He is not surprised when his name is called. He had expected nothing less.

When Annie's name is called, he barely has time to even begin feeling nauseous before Mags steps up. They stand together, and he holds Mags hand, and when he looks at Annie there are tears streaming down her face and he begins to realize that she understands more than he gives her credit for.

She sees him before he leaves and he is certain that he will die. This will be the last time he sees her. The feeling of dread settles in his heart but he can't help but feel slight relief. She will live. The Capitol has no reason to kill her. There will be no more fights. No more knives. No more pinning her down until she stops screaming.

"I'm sorry," she whispers. She is not crying anymore. Even now, Annie Cresta is still stronger than he is.

"For what?"

"Everything."

There are storms behind her eyes. He holds her and she presses her fingernails into his biceps, squeezing.

"They're taking you."

"Yes."

"You won't be back, will you?"

"I'm sorry."

"I'll try to be better. For you."

Tears roll down his face and he pulls her tightly against him. If she freaks out, she could kill him. Maybe that would be the better option. It would be a more humane death than whatever the Capitol has planned for him.

"You don't need to change."

For the first time, he believes it. He kisses her on the head and then they drag him away.

what he doesn't see is when she goes home

she collapses on the floor and she screams and screams and screams and screams and screams

annie cresta sinks away, hides in the back of her skull, and someone else emerges,

someone who stays on the ground and yells and claws at the carpet

until her father sticks her with a needle

annie cresta is with finnick odair

annie cresta is always with finnick odair

this girl on the floor is just a shell


	33. round here

**you all are too good to me. Thank you all so very much for every review and favourite, they make me feel amazing. And thank you for sticking through this story, which has taken me a lifetime and a half to complete. It's done now! Thank you all, I love each and every one of you!**

* * *

_Round here we're carving out our names_  
_Round here we all look the same_  
_Round here we talk just like lions_  
_But we sacrifice like lambs_  
_Round here she's slipping through my hands_  
_Sleeping children better run like the wind_

- Counting Crows, Round Here

He fights and he runs and he saves Peeta Mellark. Haymitch thinks he saves him because of Katniss but the truth is he sees the way Peeta looks at her and he is reminded of himself, and he is astonished that they have managed to find love in times like these but now that they have, he will do what he can to ensure they stay together.

He finds reasons to fight, even when he just wants to give up. When they lose Mags and he wants to scream, wants to call the Capitol every dirty name he knows in the hopes that they'll finish him off.

Somehow he manages to resist this urge. He focuses on his memories of her, of how she was before the Games and how she was after. He loves them both, in different ways, maybe, but he loves them both. He doesn't favour one Annie over the other; he remembers them both, the good times and the bad, thinks of her before he sleeps and when he wakes up, so he can start every day off on a good foot and finish each day with a good thought in mind.

When he hears the Jabberjays, he breaks. He doesn't care that Katniss is watching, doesn't care who sees. That's his Annie, screaming, in pain, and whether it's a bird or what they still have that noise, of her. In pain. Tortured. A small part of his brain says _maybe they have it from when she was in the Games _but Katniss's sister was never in the Games and they have her. He breaks. He dissolves. But it only makes him more determined.

He fights to get back to her, to keep her safe. Katniss and Hamitch, they fight for the world. For innocent lives. To make everything better. But Finnick Odair is selfish and he always has been. He fights for her. To get back to her, to hold her again, because she will only truly be safe with him, and he'll only believe that she is okay when he sees her again. Katniss can save the world. He just wants her. That's all he's ever wanted.


End file.
